Game of Thrones: "No One"
Spoilers ahead! This episode brought to you by Lorem Ispum.
Please excuse the lame designer joke, but this week’s episode felt like a lot of filler and not a lot of substance.
We begin with Arya, our mighty dire wolf lady, nothing seems to take this girl down and I love it! She ends up visiting her actress friend who nurses her back to health after the trainer girl blindsided her. Arya gets healthy, our actress dies a brutal death and Arya goes head to head with a Terminator like trainer girl – seriously I think Faye Marsay must have studied Robert Patrick as T-1000 for this scene. Arya used the very thing she was trained with, blindness, to defeat her foe and gave the girl with no name, no face. Arya adds her face to the Hall of Faces and confronts Jaqen H'ghar who admits he sent the T-1000 to kill her. Jaqen then tells Arya that she has finally become "No One" and has passed the test, however, Arya tells him that she is Arya Stark of Winterfell and that she is going home. OK, I have a huge issue with the actress part of this storyline. Arya could have ended the trainer girl last week in the same manner, the actress was not needed to move the story forward and I question the choice of bringing her back at this point. She did her part by identifying to Arya the insanity of the Many-Faced God and made her realize she needed to go home, why fill half an episode with anything more?
We pick up with The Hound who is seeking revenge for his friend the Septon, and in typical Hound manner his revenge is swift and brutal - I must say his ability to take a man’s head off is really quite exceptional. To complete his revenge mission he has a few more heads to take off, but it seems they’ve already been spoken for by the man who never dies, Beric Dondarrion. Beric is in the midst of hanging the culprits for the same deed, but gives two of them to the Hound to finish off by hanging. While hanging really isn’t The Hounds style, Clegane still manages to dirty it up by taking the boots off a man who wasn’t quite dead yet – classy Sandor, real classy. Interestingly enough the head of the Brotherhood picks up where the Septon left off, reminding Clegane the Gods (or the Lord of Light in this case) aren’t done with him and that he should head North with them to do something good for mankind by battling “the cold winds rising in the North”. The Hound vs The Night King – now that would be epic.
To the Red Keep where Cersei and her goonies Qyburn and The Mountain meet up with her cousin Lancel and a band of Faith Militants who have been allowed into the Red Keep by Tommen. Lancel commands Cersei to meet with the High Sparrow in the Sept of Baelor, but Cersi defies him and The Mountain steps up to defend his lady. Lancel asks Cersei to order him aside or there would be violence, and in an awesome mic drop moment Cersei exclaims “I choose violence”. The Faith Militant warrior who tried to attack The Mountain had no idea what was coming his way – a beheading in the most violent manner – way to take orders zombie. Needless to say everyone else backed off. Shortly after Cersei was dealt a blow from her own son, Tommen gave a royal order that her trial as well as that of Loras Tyrell will be held in the Sept of Baelor on the first day of the festival of The Mother. Oh, and trial by combat will be forbidden in the Seven Kingdoms henceforth - sorry Mountain. That gives Jaime a bit of time to make it back from Riverrun – but will the Kingslayer stand up against his son for his sister?
Speaking of Ser Jaime, the Lannister army is sitting at the walls of Riverrun where Jaime schemes away. First he sends Brienne of Tarth to try and talk the Blackfish into marching north to help his niece regain Winterfell, at the cost of losing Riverrun. After the Blackfish denies Brienne’s offer Jaime manages to re-seat Edmund Tully and facilitates the handover of the castle without any bloodshed, save one, The Blackfish. This was the most disappointing end to a legend in the show, we didn’t even get to see his final battle, RIP Blackfish.
Finally we head to Meereen where we once again head into the land of superfluous filler. Seriously why does it matter that we see Tyrion engage in drinking games with Grey Worm and Missandei. That being said learning that Tyrion wants to own a vineyard one day makes me want to enjoy a fine glass of The Imp’s Delight – get your t-shirt today!
After the drinking game, things finally pick up and we see the Slavers attempt to take back their property with a huge battalion of ships. The city is in flames and the pyramid is getting hit pretty hard, or so we think, when the Mother of Dragons swoops in looking mighty peeved.
Next week should prove to be amazing, especially if we get to see a Dragon/Dothraki/Unsullied vs Masters of Slavers Bay battle. Whatever happens, please no more filler!
Karen Chalmers, Marketing & Public Relations Manager
With 2 decades in the film, design, and marketing industries, I love all things creative – especially a beautiful, well-crafted font. I’m a classic triple threat, complete with talents in acting, singing, and sewing.